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the kiddie pool

I’ve realized that all of my relations with men have been shallow, and I just didn’t know it at the time/didn’t want to know it.

But I think I’m ready for a shallow relationship on both ends, not only one. And knowing this before it even begins sounds like the best/healthiest/emotionally safe way to go about it.

Perhaps this is coming out of cynicism, but knowing what’s happening as it’s happening doesn’t sound bad to me. It actually sounds good.

I feel starved and I only want to binge. But in the back of my mind, I know I’ll eventually get fat, or purge.